finnish giggles.

On my way out of downtown West Palm Beach the other night, I was awkwardly approached by a medium-height girl with bright blonde hair and Starbucks coffee in hand. We'll call her "Anni" for the purposes of this story.

Out of no where, Anni jumped in front of me. At first, I secretly wished that I was the 1,000th person to pass by the Starbucks store and was going to be handed her delectable cup'o'jo, but I soon realized this was not going to happen when Anni opened her mouth and with an accent I had never before heard said... "Can you... for us?"

I stared at the five giggling girls on the bench beside her, not really sure what she was asking. They just kept giggling, wide-eyes open, and giggling. They were adorable, these girls. There were six of them, all seemingly around my own age, and all crowded on a bench made for four. They did not care; they had each other, and their friendship, and of course, their uncontrollable giggles.

Anni then pulled her camera out of her pocket while repeating herself, "Can you...for us?" Duh, I thought. They wanted me to take their picture!

They probably had been giggling at me, or perhaps at Anni, whose attempts to communicate were quite flustering to witness. Or maybe they were giggling because my blonde hair and fair skin matched each one of theirs. Their smiles were contagious; so much so that I could not help but chuckle myself.

I grabbed the camera and waited patiently as each girl positioned herself on the bench. Anni tried to explain how her camera worked, pointing at the "POWER" button as the button I was supposed to press to snap the photograph. "Here," she said, followed by a motioning of her hands to demonstrate taking a picture. I nodded my head in agreement, feeling it would be a bit rude to correct her on how to use her own camera.

I went to snap the photograph, and called out the traditional "one...two...three," with my finger on the correct button of course. A photograph was taken, but the flash did not go off. With the girls all primply posed on the bench, I looked at the screen to find the button to turn the flash on, but all I could see were words in a language that I knew nothing of. Finnish. I stared at the screen, that is, until Anni grabbed the camera from my hands and clicked the POWER button herself to "take the photograph." When the camera turned off, there was both a hint of surprise and embarrassment in her eyes. Maybe that wasn't the right button, she realized.

I then grabbed the camera from her hands and motioned for her to sit down with her friends. I eventually found the flash button, and was able to successfully take their picture. Anni stood up from the bench, grabbed for her camera, and flashed me an awkward smile.

I could not help but wonder why these girls had come here to West Palm Beach, FL. After all, it isn't necessarily the most "touristic" place to visit. Had someone they knew been here before? Or had they simply closed their eyes, spun around, and in a moment of nomadic adventure promised to jump on an airplane to whichever place their finger landed? Finally, I decided I'd just ask them myself.

"Why are you here?" I asked Anni. All of the girls perked up on the bench, trying to incline their ears to our conversation. Anni looked at me with confusion in her eyes. Speaking more slowly, I began to motion with my hands... "Why" (with hands in the air) "are you" (pointing at them) "here" (fingers pointed to the ground). Anni stared for a moment, and then replied... "We have vacation. Three weeks. We just wanted to see the City Place!"

Her excitement was so adorable, but oh how desperately I wanted to know WHY they had chosen to come to West Palm Beach. Not like it mattered, but somewhere in my analytic mind, I just wanted to discover what makes people GO to the places that they eventually end up. What motive moves them? What motive led six Finnish girls to jump on an airplane to spend three weeks in our not-so-glamorous city? Perhaps deep down, I was hoping to find an answer for what my own heart was feeling, as I myself am prayerfully considering a nomadic, adventurous move of my own.

We eventually went our separate ways, yet I could not get our awkward, gesture-driven encounter out of my mind. If I do ultimately take this leap of faith and head out for yet another adventure, I will more than likely spend several months of my life gesturing as these precious girls had done with me. Gesturing and motioning, and of course acting as if I have all the answers when in reality I am telling others to "press the power button" to take my photograph. Overwhelmed by confusion, I will stare as they try to explain their world to me. And when I finally get a glimpse of understanding that the POWER button actually turns my camera off, I, with a hint of embarrassment and surprise, will think of these dear girls from Finland and I will count my blessings. Then, of course, I will giggle uncontrollably. Oh, God help me! =P

something is better than nothing.

Would you believe me if I told you that this photograph was taken in West Palm Beach, Florida... just fifteen minutes from one of the wealthiest and most successful communities in all of South Florida?

I didn't think you would.

You see, the harvest is all around us. The needs in our midst are so great, and I pray that we do not fail to see that while our eyes and our efforts are focused on how the international world is suffering, there are those in our own cities who need us as well.

These are our neighbors, and I dare to say that we have not love if we fail to reach out to them.

Have you ever wanted to make a difference in the lives of others?

I encourage you to look around... find somewhere, like the trailer park where this photograph was taken, and pour out your life in service to them. Find a family who is hungry and bring them food. Find a child who is struggling in school and commit yourself to tutor him. Sacrifice twenty minutes of your day to simply listen to someone in your life who is heartbroken and needs a friend. Offer an art class to people whose talents may be entangled by a web of poverty and despair. Fill in the blank. The world is your oyster.

Do not be discouraged if your efforts are not large, in charge, and being broadcasted all around our media-frenzied world. No one has to see what you do, because you are not serving to be recognized, but instead to touch the lives of others in a real and practical way. Besides, God sees each and every thing that you do and He delights in your commitment, love, humility, and faithfulness -- no matter how "small" you think your acts of service are, and whether or not you ever get a "pat on the back" for what you've done.

So, I challenge you with the following question: What are YOU intentionally doing to serve those in your midst?

If your answer is "nothing," do not feel dismayed! Open your eyes today and look around for a neighbor in need. Get in the car and drive "downtown." Visit an elderly home and play checkers with someone who is all alone. Go for a walk, and ask God to show you how you can serve your neighbors.

You'll be surprised what He shows you, and when you see how big the harvest in your midst truly is, just jump in and do something... for something is better than nothing.

Be blessed as you serve...
-Me

the faces of people I have never met.

I have never dreamed as much as I do now, nor have I ever so consistently woken from my slumber and had such a clear recollection of what had happened the night before while the world was quiet.

No, I have never been much of a dreamer, yet lately, the images I have seen in my sleep have so desperately stirred my heart that they have kept me awake throughout the night. There I remain, tossing and turning, staring at the clock, wondering why I cannot get the faces of people I have never even met out of my heart or my mind.

Some nights, I am confronted with images of brokenness; other nights, situations of desperation and poverty. Some nights, I wake up only to find that I had been holding an orphan in my arms and I loved how warm and comforting it felt. Some nights, I am walking the dirt-ridden streets of a village with nothing but the clothes on my back. There, I am paradoxically fulfilled and filled with joy; I wouldn't have it any other way.

When my alarm sounds at the glorious hour of 6' o-clock, I open my eyes and am overwhelmed with a sense of disappointment that I am comfortable, safe, and filled with hope when so many around the world are not. I get frustrated about the way that I am spending my days, all the while knowing that I am called to more than this. These feelings of frustration and disappointment are soon confronted with a flame of urgency in my heart that screams "What in the world am I doing here?"

I go to church and I hear stories about people all around the world whose lives are being completely transformed by the hope that God offers to all who will step out in faith to receive it. These people are so courageous in their faith. I hear about how God leads them to take the hope that they have received and in turn, offer it to others whose lives are broken. I so want to follow their example. They open their homes to children who have been abandoned, abused, and neglected when they cannot even provide for themselves. They live their lives, one day at a time, not knowing when they will eat or if they will be persecuted for the God they believe in. Most of them are.

I spend countless hours at a near-by trailer park here in West Palm Beach, and I see the impact that the mere concept of HOPE has on the inhabitants of the community. I watch as week after week, children run barefoot down the streets at exactly the hour we are expected to arrive to open the door to the club house. They come running with their arms wide open, because they know that in our midst, they have found a refuge, a safe haven, and most important, love.

My heart screams in urgency... "I want to do this forever."

I want to be there, wherever "there" is. If I told you what has been happening throughout these past few weeks in my heart and in my life, you would never believe me. God is moving, and more than ever in my life, I have no other response but to stand back in humility, awe, reverence, and peace. He knows what He is doing, much better than I. My position is to continue to learn how to live a life that is emptied of myself, yet completely filled with Him.

Until the beauty of His marvelous plan unfolds and leads me to that which is "next," I will continue to toss and turn, patiently awaiting the day when I will finally meet the people whose faces have kept me awake at night. I already love them.

love... as if I know how

I am dumbfounded at how such a perplexing subject has been so impressed upon my heart tonight, but it just has been. I cannot pretend as if I know the first thing about unfailing love or how to give advice about love. All I know is what I have come to believe. By the grace of God, the lenses of my heart operate not through what I have experienced, but rather through what I have chosen to believe: Love is piercingly deep, and it is unconditional.

I am wrestling with this concept. I truly am, however I know that as long as I wrestle with it, I am wrestling with an inevitable truth that will not change. Love cannot be anything but deep and unconditional; it cannot be selfish, it cannot be rude, and it cannot be based upon how the recipient of our love responds to our actions. It just can't be.

I wish this were easier, and sometimes, I wish that love was what the "world" says it is... passionate, feel good, convenient, lovey-dovey, where everyone is happy and no one ever has to make sacrifices. If it were that way, it would sure hurt a whole lot less, that's for sure.

But love is not this way. It is heart-wrenching and it is so deep. It breaks down barriers and it brings kingdoms to the ground. It always tells the truth, no matter what will come as a result. It is sacrificial. It is unfailing, It is giving.

Love goes past the surface and pierces the soul. Love does not allow rejection, ungratefulness, or disappointment to change what it is. Love is everlasting. Love is revolutionary, and love can melt even the hardest of hearts. I am desperately praying that in my present circumstances, it truly does.

I need love to break down the barriers in so many areas in my life. I just do. I need love to pour out of me and into the hearts and lives of so many people in my life who just need to believe that it exists. So many of us have given up, and even in my present state as my head is pounding full of aching thoughts and questions, I must hold on to the truth that we do not love to receive anything in return. We do not love to make ourselves feel good. We do not pour out our love upon others so that they will esteem us or give us praise. We do not serve to be served, but to give our lives for others. Plain and simple.

We love because God has first loved us. We love because the love we have experienced is the deepest, most sacrificial, and most life-transforming love we have ever known. We love because of who Christ is and how He lived. We love, well... because love is everything.

Knowing genuine, deep, and unconditional love may require that we get involved in the lives of others more, and at times, maybe even get hurt a bit more... but I am confident that it is worth it. I am "preaching" to myself here.

May we serve others with a love that never fails and a heart willing to endure everything for that which we love, and for those whom we love. Though it's not the easiest way, it is most assuredly the most valuable.

love Him.

I think I want to write this post, just for kicks. I have been here in Florida for a little over five months now, and for some reason, more than any other month... September has been the most difficult.

Why, you ask? I really wish I knew! This month has been filled with a whole lot of tears, lonely days, and yes, late night chocolate and ice cream binges. I'm not ashamed to admit that that's just what I do when "things go wrong." :)

But it's not really that anything has gone WRONG... it is more about my heart, and how I have chosen to respond to the circumstances that God has thrown my way. I have allowed myself to get frustrated, when I should have humbled myself and talked to God in prayer instead. I have placed my hope in people, and in dreams, and in potential... all to be reminded that it's not supposed to go there at all! People let us down. Our dreams may not be God's dreams. We must place our hope in Him and Him alone. Unfortunately, I had to (once again) be reminded of these things... and I confess to you that it did not feel all that great.

I know God has brought me to West Palm Beach for such a distinct purpose. It is so beautiful to see His plans unfolding, and though things do not always go the way I think they should, they are nonetheless "going." God is in control of my life today, just as much as He was around this time last year... just as much as He was when I was forced to pack up my wedding dress and empty an apartment just comfy enough for two. He is in control of my life today, just as much as He was when He called me to Ecuador, and just as much as He was when He opened up the doors and prepared the way for me to come to West Palm Beach. It is simply undeniable.

So, when things get "cloudy" or I start to feel lost, my mind wanders. My mind wanders, and it is so imperative that I remind myself of where God has brought me in this journey, and the simple fact that it is okay to not know what the future holds. It is okay to not have it all together. It is okay.

After all, who can comprehend the plans of the Lord? Who can direct His hand as He moves in our lives and in our world? Where were We when He laid the foundations of the earth? Can we command the morning? Can we bring the rain? Can we control death?

We are but dust... vessels in the hands of God, who will use us if only we allow Him to. That's up to us. We can choose to wallow in self-pity, or we can choose to trust that God is working everything together for good in our lives so long as we hold on to hope. When we begin to feel discouraged about the "what's next," let us be reminded that "no eye has seen, no ear has heard, and no mind has imagined what God has prepared for those who love Him" (1 Corinthians 2:9).

These very words are a challenge to you, and to me... let us let go of OUR blueprints, focusing not on the circumstances before us, but rather on the very action that will bring all of His precious and glorious plans to pass: loving Him.

my ode to fall.

So, apparently today is the official first day of the "fall" season. It's time for Pumpkin Spice lattes, outdoor hikes, stopping to admire the bright orange and red hues luminating from the trees, and, of course my personal favorite, cuddling up on the sofa with a great book in hand and no where else to be but there. Ah, how sweet it is to enjoy the fall season!

I guess us local Floridians completely by-pass the beauty of fall, given that it has been a steady 91 degrees since I arrived here last April. I wouldn't even have thought about fall had about ninety-nine people on Facebook not reminded me of how much THEY were enjoying the cool weather of the coming season. I think it about broke my heart today when I realized that Floridians do not even experience a hint or a hue of fall... instead, they get a whole lot of summer, and a season they identify as "Winter," yet only because around that time, in comes the mad rush of tourists who flee from THEIR igloos up north. I suppose that now that I live here, I must incorporate myself into this category as well. Know that I will do it, kicking and screaming all the way.

That being said, here's my ode to fall. I will think about you every day while I am stuck inside a cool, air-conditioned home... dripping with sweat, bursting with envy that the thought of wearing a sweater or a scarf is just completely out of the question, all the while wishing I could feel you. See you. Experience you. Step on some crunchy, colored leaves. Something. Anything.

Maybe I'll see you next year. Until then...

by your side...

As I was heading home from publishing my previous blog post, something personal, I heard Tenth Avenue North's song on the radio, By Your Side. It is such a beautiful song, and I believe that it encompasses every word I wrote in my previous post. I encourage everyone to watch this video, and more importantly, listen to the lyrics of this song. They are so powerful, and so personal.

You can watch the video here:



Enjoy :)