is there hope beyond suffering?

All I could hear was heavy breathing; heavy breathing that told me that things were not as they should be. My mom repeated the petition of her heart that God would just take him, my uncle Eugene, and alleviate him from his suffering. But all we were left with was deep, heavy breathing.

It all happened so quickly. A routine appointment for back pains brought about the news that no one was expecting: you have cancer and it has spread rapidly. Two months was all it would take, the doctor said. Two months and it would all be over, and as we listened and watched the depths of these painful events unfold, we couldn't help but feel broken and in pain ourselves.

This morning may have been the last time that my uncle will ever hear my voice. The phone was lifted to his ear, and he waited to hear me... Hi uncle Eugene, this is Shelly, and I am here for you, I said. That's all I could say, because before I knew it, the tears began to pour out from my eyes, uncontrollably, and for the first time in months, I felt something other than simply 'numb' and 'indifferent.' I felt helpless, and weak, and in need of God's strength and love more than ever.

I listened to his heavy breathing, and to his deep moans of suffering and pain, and my heart broke into pieces. Perhaps this is what God meant when He said that we are to "rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn." No words would have had the power to remove his pain, and so there I remained... weeping and praying, each deep breath reminding me that life and death are out of my control. Pain and suffering are inevitable, and that sure is an easy thing to say, that is, until you are the one who has been engulfed by it.

I don't know why this is happening, but I do know this. God is a God of LOVE and PEACE and PURPOSE. I believe it breaks His heart to see suffering as much as it breaks ours. But the beauty and reconciliation that can arise from our trials, our tears, our heartache, and our pain... that is what God is after. He is after our hearts, above all else, and like a caterpillar must struggle its way out of a cocoon before she can become a butterfly, flying and free, so must we..... struggle, and weep, and endure the suffering of this life.

Join me in praying for God's hand in the life of my uncle and for the rest of my family who is struggling to see HOPE in this trial -- especially for his daughter, my grandmother, and my mother.